I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
