I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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