he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
