Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
