with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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