the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
