She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
