never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
