Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
