i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
