i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
