We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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