so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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