You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
