i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
