I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
