So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
