i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
