Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
