Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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