Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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