those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
