So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
