I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this hospital has no fireball
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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