Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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