if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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