Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hell yes lets make some ravioli
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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