Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
