I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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