Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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