I'm going to jail i love you
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
