Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
