You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
