I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
