What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
