peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
