So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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