she kept yelling 'call me bella'
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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