I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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