Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
