Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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