we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
