When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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