How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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