I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
