I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
