Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
