You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
