I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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