theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ladies don't puke and tell
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
