Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
