i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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