great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
