fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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