I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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