mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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